Talk:Vince the Porcupine

Review stuff

This dude has actually been harder to review than I thought he would be. The poison quills, poison handgun, and hypnosis kind of jumped out of left field between the initial app and here. That doesn't mean I think they're inherently bad, though. Also, for all that I ended up writing, there's actually not much of anything "wrong" with him, so don't freak out at the lump of text below. It's just one thing that needs clarification, and some phrasing stuff that I can hopefully help you make better and cooler and smoother and all that great stuff.

Star ratings

No problems that I see. I haven't gone through and added everything up versus the chart, but the stars look right to me.

Personality and physical trait stuff

No problems here, either. He seems balanced enough, and like a character who has an agenda. I do wonder what's going to bring him out of Westside Island and into the action, though. Maybe the cast will end up having to go there...

Hypnosis

What's the source of his hypnotic ability? Does he have some sort of object or technology, or are we inferring a psionic power, or is it simply something he's able to do with the help of his toxin? (Kind of like how some drugs, or "truth serums" can make people more cooperative or easy to influence, for example.)

If it's just some jedi mind trick "knack" he has, I doubt anyone will play along with it often. I mean, as for me personally, I wouldn't want to think that my own character is so dumb or vapid that he'd succumb to and be swayed by some man's pleasant voice and wooing manners.

Ways that I think you could make it all mo' betta

There's a lot of stuff that I think would be easier to swallow if it was just phrased a little more "knowledgeably," for want of a better term. Do things have to be perfect? No. But I think there are very subtle things you can do to give your character a lot more credibility in other RPers' eyes.

You don't have to use what I'm saying here, but I'm just going to throw out some examples of What Would Matt Do to hopefully help out or inspire or some such garbage. For example:

• "A small handgun that fires poisoned ammunition" vs. "A compact automatic handgun loaded with custom-made, toxin-doped cartridges" -- Something to that effect better conveys what the weapon is (i.e., that it isn't a dart gun) and makes it sound more... real.

• "He has an unnaturally heightened sense of aim, mainly through his whip" vs. "He has impressive accuracy, especially with his whip" -- Just because "aim" isn't something we normally speak of having a "sense of." Sense of smell, sense of sight, sense of Feng Shui if you like, but, y'know, not sense of aim. You get the point.

• "Vince actually has the strange ability to grow porcupine quills with their own poisoned tips, which are, incidentally, the same tips that he regularly fits his weapon with whenever they need replacing" vs. "Vince's quills are laced with a natural venom. Notably, he uses them in his whip to provide the weapon's toxic sting" — Because saying outright that he has the "ability" to grow quills is about as odd as saying that I have the "ability" to grow hair. Know what I mean?

• Anywhere else you say the word "poison" -- This is just me being picky, but, a "poison" is a toxin swallowed/inhaled/otherwise absorbed (i.e. poisonous frogs that get eaten and poison their predators), while a "venom" is a toxin delivered (like from teeth, spines, stingers, spurs, etc. on venomous animals).

Anyway, once we just have some clarification on the hypnosis thing, I think I can go ahead and tag it. Just let me know.

Admin 16:38, 21 September 2010 (EDT)