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| Garghaormchaw the Jackel http://sonic.spindash.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=302 |
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| Author: | ZeroSigma1 [ Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | Garghaormchaw the Jackel |
What is your character's name? > Garghaormchaw Nickname: Tatsu (means dragon), masters pet (very loyal) Species? > Jackal Age? > 23 Give us a couple paragraphs of general info about your character. For example, what's the character's personality like? What kind of things does he or she do? Why does he or she do it? > Garghaormchaw doesn't really like his name so he response to Tatsu since it means dragon cause he carries two dragon head gauntlets which he names them Pyry (Ice) and Tiamet (Fire). He makes his living by being a butler since he has the qualities to be a loyal servant, but the only one flaw he has is that he fights with anyone who is against his master which he tends to get fired from everyone who hires him. He likes to prepare tea and likes to train his hand-to-hand combat. The reason he became a butler was cause a butler adopted him at a young age and taught him the ways to be a great butler and fighter, but when his training was complete from his guardian he was given Pyry and Tiamet to him as a gift for his hard work. He then set off on a journey to find someone to served as a butler and guard. Does your character have any skills or special abilities, a gimmick, or anything that makes it stand out as an athlete or fighter? If so, talk a little about it here. > Hand-to-Hand Combat with a little of kicking moves Trained well as a butler (but tends to lose his anger when someone is insulting his master) Gauntlets are actually like a miniature flamethrower, but is half the distance and supply since its a gauntlet size flamethrower. Both Gauntlets have their own element Tiamet uses fire and Pyry uses ice. (the usage of the flamethrower is limited since its so small but the capsules that holds gas and liquid nitrogen are fragile and can be easily exploded if container is damaged) (the capsule contains 14oz of each so not much of usage) Does your character have any purpose? (It's okay if you don't have this fully figured out yet, but all the better if your character does have an agenda or some sort of driving force to it to make it interact with other characters.) > Is looking for someone to serve as a new master, but what his heart really needs is friends than a master. Does your character have an image? You can post it here, if so (as long as you follow the rules mentioned in the character guidelines). If not, please write a description of your character's appearance. > height/weight: 110cm/36kg color fur: Grey Hair color: blue and red like his gauntlets Eye color: teal wears a white shirt with black tie and black tuxedo with black shoes Carries his dragon shape gauntlets in both hands Tiamet is Crimson red color and Pyry is Shappire blue Will you be around to play your character regularly? (i.e. Keeping daily tabs on any threads you involve yourself in, and posting whenever it's your turn?) > Yes i will regularly, but i do have to work around 10pm so i wouldn't be able to join in any postings. Do you live in or near the Americas, or elsewhere? (It may be difficult for you to participate in any of the fast-moving sessions if you're only online when the rest of the group is asleep. So, we ask this just to be aware of any potential problems.) >yes i do live in the US I live in the west coast. Are you okay with having your character information and image on this website (such as on the wiki) for as long as you're an active member? >Yes What is your name? (Don't post your last name! This forum isn't private!) > Scotty |
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| Author: | Admin [ Mon Nov 07, 2011 12:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Garghaormchaw the Jackel |
I'm going to try to give you a fully thought-out and explained reply this time, because you've been both nice and persistent, and I know you're actually trying, not just barfing stuff out at us like some people do. Despite your niceness and resilience, though, you need to polish up your writing if you're going to get a character app through here. It isn't even about spelling. Typos and errors are easy to fix, and even easy to overlook because people generally know what's being said, anyway. What's killing this is the lack of decent sentence structure. Secondly, consider the character itself. Let's be frank here: You're submitting a kung fu butler with an unpronounceable real name, a Japanese alias, and fire and ice gauntlets. Look at it when it's tacked onto this random smattering of official and original characters from our RP. - Sonic, a super-speeding adventurer hedgehog - Coop, a burly and intuitive demolitions-expert eagle - Tails, a two-tailed super-genius fox - Velo, a swift super-star athlete lizard - Toby, a professional XG-board-racer kangaroo mouse - Blaze, a speedy, fire-wielding other-dimensional guardian - Rock, a quick-thinking former-military-astronaut monkey - Big, a huge, fat, strong, rotund fisherman cat - Jack, a sharpshooting cowgirl-sheriff griffin - Ace, a mysterious playing-card-wielding gambler cat - Jam, an erratic, wild, electricity-spewing punk monkey - Espio, an agile, stealthy ninja chameleon - Mako, a clumsy fish-out-of-water shark - Tracer, a high-tech, heavy-firepower mercenary llama - Garghaormchaw, a fire-and-ice-dragon-gauntlet-wielding martial-artist butler jackal Just think about the associations here. Though some of the characters above are pretty wild and many have impossible powers (often not even grounded in much logic), there's always some sort of clear association there. What is the logical link between being a butler and a powerful martial artist with fire-and-ice gauntlets that look like dragons? And being named a guttural, nigh-unpronounceable nonsense-word? And being nicknamed the Japanese word for the Chinese Zodiac symbol for dragon? Even in the crazy, high-flying hijinks Sonic world, this guy's very existence just doesn't fit in. See, a lot of our members may be on devART, even from devART, but we are not a devART RP. Don't mistake us for one. We don't accept overtly anime-ish stuff. We have high writing standards. What most devART users enjoy, are satisfied with, and are impressed by, we just... aren't. We're weird, and some would say snobbish, but it's only because we're catering to a specific group of people who simply don't want to have to deal with that other stuff, so we don't allow it. It makes us a small group, but it's our niche. There are tons of bigger, more active RPs out there that cater to everyone else. I hope what I've said here isn't taken the wrong way. I want it to be constructive criticism, not destructive. I'm hoping that the "right" alternative seems more obvious in light of what I've said. See, if either your writing was sharp and clean, or the character was really solid, well-thought-out, and coherent, we'd probably accept this and try to help you improve one or the other. As things are now, though, both the character and the way it's written are rough, and I don't think I can help make it any better. You'll either read this, see what's wrong, and finally understand what kind of story we want to promote here, or... you won't. |
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