SI News Conference: Rock Lochert Answers Accusations

psikeout · Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 7:59 pm

[The following television event was broadcast globally by many different world news channels. The following introduction is from SIBC News.]

Quote:

Lazarus "Rock" Lochert, former SIAF astronaut, and member of Jam Bostwick's up-and-coming rock-and-roll act, Cause for Alarm, is no stranger to controversy. From his alleged involvement with United Federation Secretary of Defense Rogers' "Troubleshooters," responsible for the uncovering of Project 7 and the destruction of Granite Island, to his short-lived membership in the Eggman Empire, Rock Lochert has been almost continuously at odds with G.U.N. authorities, and making headlines with every new incident.

Now G.U.N. has leveled accusations that Lochert is involved in the paramilitary organization Chimera. Propelled by the recorded testimony of former associate Geoff Hawkins, the allegations have until now been brushed off as impossible due to an alleged tour with his girlfriend's band in Glastonia at the time of the mentioned Chimera operations. Bostwick and other band members and management have maintained that these charges are a smear attempt, and that Lochert has "been staying out of trouble for a long time." According to UFBI investigations, however, further evidence has been discovered to suggest that the band is nothing more than an alibi, and that Rock Lochert may in fact be a high-level player in the Chimera hierarchy.

Today, Lochert has called a news conference to answer these allegations.

The footage showed Rock Lochert step out onto a blue-curtained stage and up to a podium, faced by an array of microphones. He wore a navy blue slacks and a matching blazer, casually unbuttoned, with a white, mandarin-collared dress shirt, only barely modestly buttoned.

"Well," he mumbled lowly at first, as if collecting his thoughts and gauging the volume of the mics. He set some loose sheets of paper on the stand in front of him, and straightened them. "Thanks for comin' out. I hope to be able to, uh, lay some suspicions to rest, here," he said, gripping the sides of the podium, "and, if we have time, answer some questions."

"First off, the United Federation and G.U.N. have said I'm a lot of things. I've been called a terrorist; a threat to national security, and global peace; a, uh... a dictator? Y'know, I'd just like to say off the bat here that I'm quite flattered. I thought they only spared this kind of time and TLC for hedgehogs and mustaches."

There was tepid laughter from the reporters and observers. Rock looked to be concealing discomfort thinly behind humor.

"But no. G.U.N. thinks I'm involved in Chimera. Not even just involved in, but somehow masterminding. They think that I'm behind this terrible organization that has commandeered the assets of the Eggman Empire, used it to single-handedly fund the rebuilding and growth of South Island," he said with rising volume, leaning forward on the podium, "to build aid camps in Mazuri, Shamar, Adabat, Apotos, here, and elsewhere in the South Seas, to redistribute the ill-gotten gains of the Eggman Empire's oppressive taxation," he punctuated the emphasized words with quiet pounds on the desk surface, "and to suppress and combat the most oppressive, most imperialistic, most corrupted and dangerous military force the world has known in the modern era? Apart from the Eggman Empire itself?"

It was silent enough to hear a pin drop.

"Oops," he said barely above a whisper, with a grin. "I let slip a little support there, didn't I?"

The smile faded. "I won't make it any secret that I support Chimera, and every little thing they do that keeps G.U.N. on the ropes. But, to say that... Well, I mean, to imply that, I, because I..."

He squinted at his notes a moment, and fell silent. He moved his stare to the reporters.

"Okay, you know, you guys hafta level with me here. What do you really think about this? You know I've got an agenda. But how likely do you really think it is that a guy playin' guitar in a rock band is the head of Chimera?"

A hand raised.

"Geoff Hawkins testifies outright that you're the head of Chimera."

"Who?" queried Rock with a sardonic smile, eyebrows raised. There may have been a chortle or two in the audience.

"It says here he was one of your, uh, former, uh... associates, under the Secretary of Defense."

"Oh," Rock blurted as if surprised. "You mean that Sonic-lookin' kid. No offense, Sonic, if you're watchin'. But yeah, you mean... you mean one of the guys also responsible along with me for takin' a dump in G.U.N.'s back yard? And showing the world their dirty laundry? No. No, I definitely don't see any agenda there for him to be a puppet now. Isn't he working for G.U.N. now?" He looked side to side exaggeratedly as if searching for a real answer. "I heard he was working for G.U.N. now."

Another hand went up. "Your band advertises that it just returned from a tour of Glastonia, including Cape Norden. Cape Norden disavows any record of your visit."

"One, it's not my band. I just play in it," he corrected. "Two, well," he sighed theatrically, "we never said we were well-received."

Another murmur of chuckles. He wore a self-satisfied, suppressed smirk.

Several more hands raised. Rock pointed at one of them and gave a "go ahead" for him to talk.

"Okay, this is all real funny Mr. Lochert, but you are evading the question."

"What question?" he answered with a cocky dip of his head, looking out the tops of his eyes and smiling surreptitiously as he leaned into the microphones. "You have to—y'know, you have to ask something to have a question, right? I'm just hearing a lot of really misinformed accusations so far. Did you guys actually bring any questions? Something fun? Ice cream flavor? Boxers or briefs?"

"Alright then, I have a question," said the reporter sharply. Rock interrupted by blurting, "I prefer commando, for the record." Laughter followed inevitably.

"Are you involved in Chimera?"

Rock, still coming down off some laughs, smiled into a non-committal shake of his head, looking down at his notes. He licked his lips once and opened his mouth, drew a breath, stopped, then repeated the motion.

His mouth snapped shut and he sighed out his nose, his expression gradually becoming more neutral, and his eyes still focused on the paper.

"I am Chimera."

The room burst into uproarious chatter, clamor, and camera flashes as just about every reporter asked a question at the same time.

"No more questions, God bless South Island!" he shouted, grin big and wide again as he grabbed his papers, stepped back, waving. "Long live the president, the queen, the hedgehogs, goodnight!"

His chain of non sequitur parting words faded quickly from audibility as his distance from the mics increased, along with the noise of the crowd. In what may have either been irreverence, self-adulation, or just plain trolling, he threw up the rock horns, and made an impromptu exit.

dedicated to all my marvel-loving friends

SI News Conference: Rock Lochert Answers Accusations

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